Confessions of a Cat-holic (124)

We didn't have a specific archetype or stereotype to fit. No one in my alma mater could say she had it all, being the best in extra curricular activities, as well as claiming to be the prettiest and wealthiest whilst also excelling in academics. We were just encouraged to be our best selves, without the need to twist ourselves in order to conform to a certain mode of success.

We didn't have to be the number 1s, the champions, the valedictorians, the salutatorians, the awardees, the outliers, or the most competitive, in order to be loved. Again, love was not our goal or pursuit anyways. Just like my "face value", for example. I was ranked around the 500th in terms of outer appearance in my alma mater, but I never felt the need to conform or starve myself in order to be considered attractive, or marriage worthy. I never felt the pressing needs to be anorexic to fit into my uniforms. Nobody said we all needed to be a size 0 to be considered cute. We did have a few size 0s though, as many as the over-sized and slightly obese (me!).

Although many people who barely knew me had overlooked this fact, I would like to emphasize again that I grew up in the heart of Hong Kong city. Yes, born and raised in the oldest district of Hong Kong island, Wanchai. I felt no shame in my neighborhood and I had every reason to love my town, as much as my alma mater where I came from. When I grew up in Wanchai, every single person I encountered had heard about my school. Ever since elementary school, I had had friends from St Clare's, St Jo, Raimondi, Hennessy Road Government School, King's, Sacred Heart, Chinese International School, Kiangsu and Chekiang Primary School, Canossa, Salesian, Salvation Army Kwong Yu, St Paul's Convent, St Paul's Secondary, True Light, Rosary Hill, Marymount, etc. None of them treated me with disrespect. I never ever felt the need to explain myself or write a tag on my forehead that said "Hey, look at me, I am evil." Everybody I grew up with in my neighborhood knew what kind of a school my alma mater was. A school of thugs, where angels could not have survived.

It was only until I transferred school that I realized the existence of extra terrestrial creatures and aliens who had not been aware of how notorious my alma mater was. For once and only in my life, I could be deemed as angels too. Should I feel grateful about it? Amazing grace, what a pleasure. I could finally be considered the good one in my life. I figured that life in an ivory tower had its pros and cons. It certainly captivated many in a state of bliss as a result of ignorance, while also dumbing them down in progressive ways.

That was why Rex and I both needed each other on our side so badly and so desperately. We knew where each other was coming from, without the need to speak our minds or reveal our deepest intentions. Even though we were not really that slim anymore, we were both real shady.

In Chinese saying, they said that the insects born in the summer could not understand and speak of the icy cold and the winter, because of their short life span. That was the philosophical concepts of "constraints". My new friends could not understand how dark the underworld could be because they had that eternal sunshine in their spotless minds.

In response to my Converse All Star sneakers, Rex took me to the sneakers street around ladies' market in Mong Kok. I took him to the malls in Mong Kok where they sold silverwares and ring piercing services. I asked Rex if he thought that my dangling earrings were pretty. He said yes. I told him that it was the idea of Sibyl. It was her idea to get my ear pierced for an extra hole on the edge of my earlobe. I said that the process itself was painful enough but the inflammation that came with it made it even worse because I was allergic to many things, including metals and even gold sometimes. I showed him the pus coming out from the swollen hole, asking him whether the pain was worth it. He laughed, and he said nothing. He did not like to comment most of the times.