Confessions of a Cat-holic (176)

Robert was someone whom I got to know on quite a deep level. We went on a couple of dates even though there was no intimacy involved whatsoever. He invited me to his dorm once and we sat on his bed. I was very scared because I was still a virgin at the time and I didn't want to break my hymen yet. The people next to his room were having sex banging the bed against the wall. He asked me if I could hear it. To be honest, I had no idea that was the sound of making love!

He kissed me on the cheek outside my hall once. I cringed. He asked me why I cringed. Yes, of course. I would not show on my face my emotions and the guys I was interested in. Poker face? Anyways, I missed him quite a lot even after graduation. He even came to Hong Kong to see me on winter break to express interests in getting to know where I came from. Again, I really disliked American Chinese who claimed to be the future up and coming kung fu star just because he could lion dance. Somehow, even though Robert could not quite speak Chinese, I liked him a lot.

He had a close friend in school. His name was Lee, and he was white. Lee was in the same class with me and I believed it was the pre-professional chemical engineering elective. That class was not challenging at all, all it involved was some calculations and I forgot to study for my midterm even but still got an A. But that was it. All the other classes were quite challenging but I went through them all in my high school so it was all good.

Lee talked to me in class once. He said Robert told him to ask me what was the English word for 忍. I said "endure". Yes, endurance. What a word. I kept his question deep in my heart and I liked his advice. I really thought that Robert and I were in sync, that we were on the same page mentally and spiritually.

He knew the city really well. The cafeteria he took me was called "The Cafeteria", really. It was in downtown Manhattan. All the waiters were homosexual, or metrosexual looking. He told me a lot about New York City, and of course New Jersey too. I felt very welcomed by the Garden State for some reason. I had very fond memories of New Jersey. It could be why I wanted to move to Fort Lee after studying at Columbia for four years.

We were kind of in the same student group. No, not engineering student council. He was not active in school at all. He told me he read my application for CUE (Columbia Urban Experience). It was a program I signed up for the summer after I received my admission letter. That summer was the first summer after SARS hit Hong Kong. I was in an anxious state, about to start college in a foreign country. I was kind of excited and worried at the same time. I was very worried about my safety in Manhattan so I thought I should sign up for the program to get to know the city. I applied with some Chinese calligraphy and Chinese 山水畫 with bamboo and a prom picture. (don't ask me why I did that) I thought that New York was very international and would encourage Chinese to dress in Qipao or traditional costumes just like those waitresses on Aberdeen Jumbo Boat. I thought that was what America wanted to see from a Chinese Chinese (as in native Chinese from the mainland), while also worrying being called a FOB by Americans.

But after I received their acceptance package, I read about the details of their activities such as cycling in the middle of Harlem. And then I thought oh my god, that was too dangerous. I didn't want to die yet so I canceled my plan to join CUE. But then I met Bobby. He told me he remembered my stuff and I was glad that someone read and took my drawings seriously. I could not draw at all, which was why I didn't intend to be an architect or interior designer. The only thing I could draw well was oil painting and Chinese painting that involved the ink and Chinese calligraphy brush.

Robert was tall and built. He was about 6 feet tall. He was very well off, like many other guys from Columbia. How did I know he was well off? He told me that his family was Lehman Brothers’ private banking client. That was how he got an internship working there. Connections, legacy and relationship were all you needed to get started in banking, duh.