Confessions of a Cat-holic (66)

Then it was C class, which had the option of having computer science and geography as electives. That class was known for a haven for the academically least competitive people. The class made up of 35 male students and 5 females, mirroring B class in a flip.

I had to confess that I, too, wanted to improve my life via the means of grades and a secure professional career, such as medicine. I was no different than the rest of the flock inside the system. But my sunk costs were different. I would only do things within my limits. I would not overstretch myself or bend my back over for something I hardly knew anything about. I believed there were no such things as a perfect profession which everyone wanted to get in. If that really was the case, the competitive nature per se could be a curse in disguise.

Looking at the profile of Clairol's mother, I too pondered the possibilities of becoming a lawyer or a doctor, and maybe a renowned politician too after I became successful. For a brief period, I wanted to be like Clairol's mother, since she had a very similar route having studied at my alma mater and then transferred to the very same school. So I wanted to take the most challenging option available, and I knew getting into E class was just a head start. I excelled in the studies of biology and chemistry anyways, which were pre-requisites for a career in medicine.

I wouldn't worry about getting into medical school yet, since I thought it was a bit too early to choose my major. My strategy would be to study the hardest subjects available and then worry about career choice after I received my exam grades. I was too used to failures in life. Very rarely I succeeded in things I desired. I got used to losing hopes and getting disappointed. So once again, I would just work hard and let God take care of the rest.

I anxiously waited for the start of my second year at SPCC. I knew I would be in a class with a new mix of students, more driven and intense than ever. At the same time, the television broadcasting station was playing a series of soap operas, like ER and Healing Hands, about life in medicine. I thought to myself, I really should be watching this since I might end up in the profession.

I used to follow dramas like Ally McBeal, the series of The File of Justice One through Five, Detective Investigation Files, etc. I was intrigued by the daily work of an inspector or maybe forensic scientist. I liked solving mysteries, even though I knew Sherlock Holmes was more like a fiction than factual recordings. I really enjoyed watching law suits in courts, where I observed the rationale of criminals and those who defended them. My attitudes towards lawyers were anxious yet receptive. On one hand, I was fascinated by the work of a legal counsel; on the other hand, I was hesitant about a lucrative profession that seemed to have it all whilst being embedded with Central values. I meant to say that the job nature of a legal career was gripping but I wouldn't want to be drinking red wines in a pub at Lan Kwai Fong after work every single day to mingle or destress myself, after watching what happened to the main characters in the plot. The glory, the fame, the enviable social status and the high end life attached to a legal profession were something I would keep running away from.

As I was watching the soap opera, Healing Hands, on TVB, I was quite discouraged to find out that actually I would hate the daily work of a physician. First of all, I didn't have dexterous hands. I always dropped things and I learned that I was not good with needlework, after spending two painful years of home economics training in my alma mater. Second, I didn't have a healing heart. I hated going to hospitals. I hated to work in a clinic every day for the rest of my life, facing patients and hearing their problems. Third, I was petrified by blood, human tissues, fleshes, body fluids and human secretions. I was afraid of germs, bacteria, and viruses. Being a doctor meant that I had to deal with it for a living.