Confessions of a Cat-holic (116)

As we were strolling in the shopping district down right where his complex was located, I was hesitant to go up to his place, even though I acted otherwise on the surface. I was worried about many things. We had already been going out for a while. He had been to my place many times. We made out, we kissed and we had done everything up to second base. We still hadn't taken our clothes off in front of each other though. Was he going to have sex with me in his place? It was about time, in many people's standards. And I was aware of that myself too.

I was not ready for sex though. Afterall, it was my first night. It was my virginity. I was not sure if this guy was my Mr Right and I knew very well that I only wanted to reserve my virginity for my future husband. I could not just giveaway my first night so casually. And he didn't even buy a condom in the convenience store on our way to his place! What if we made out and slowly went out of control in the room? I didn't want to get pregnant yet and I surely would not want to catch any diseases, not saying that I didn't trust him enough. It was better to play safe, my alma mater always told us that "no sex is safe sex".

But I acted calm and slowly followed him to his apartment. On one hand, I was excited to see his home, waiting to check out the decor and interior design. On the other hand, I didn't want to look too desperate, as a girl.

Another thing that kind of occupied my mind was that I had a fiance. I didn't tell Rex about my fiance, not sure if he did enough research on me to ever find out. That was the main reason why I couldn't introduce my mother to him at the time. I was supposed to get married with Oliver, the Vancouver born Canadian Chinese from CIS who lived in a South Bay luxury home. Status-wise, money-wise, vibe-wise, look-wise, Oliver was obviously a better catch. A young bachelor with money, foreign citizenship and parents from the academia was everything that a girl would dream of marrying. I knew that very well too. But that couldn't stop me falling in love with Rex. Now, the question was, was I willing to break the arranged marriage agreement with Oliver for Rex? Dating Rex was one thing; giving my first night to him was another. By agreeing to have sex with Rex, I would be breaking the marriage arrangement with Oliver on my side. I was not ready for that. I needed more time to think over it. Not that I thought or loved less of Rex, I simply needed more time to get to know a person before I could make a decision, especially when it was a big decision. I had known Oliver since I was born for over 16 years then. But I barely knew anything about Rex, although we were in a relationship. Was Rex worthy of my first night? Could I depend on him? Would he still love me when I grew old? Would he cheat on me? Was he a sex addict, like many other Hong Kong guys? Would he have paid sex with prostitutes when I was not around? Did he have any bad habits? These were left unanswered and I needed to find out before I could commit.

To my surprise, his mother was there when we entered his apartment. I didn't know what to say other than the usual greetings. I felt somewhat embarrassed, of course. So we quickly walked over to his room. His mother was very nice, and she surely didn't look like the wife of a gangster. Well, maybe I didn't look like one either, so who was I to say or judge so? His mother looked just like any other housewife you expected to see in the audience of TVB's cookery channels. You really could not tell from her looks or vibes.

I had never seen his dad. Not even now, some twenty years had passed since I dated Rex. He remained a mysterious figure. I had heard enough about him though. I would love to meet him someday.

We closed the door of his room because his mother was outside. I was pondering what was next for us. Would we be rolling our bedsheets and do a 69? Did he have sado-masochist tendencies? Would he be hiding any handcuffs down below his bed? No idea, I was yet to find out.