Confessions of a Cat-holic (102)

I was sitting behind Jacqueline for a prolonged period of time and Alex was nearby. Jacqueline would tell me how she would become a gynecologist and Alex would become a paediatrician sharing the same clinic and client pool. Jacqueline liked to plan ahead as academically competent people liked to think that life planning and everything else was a matter of will under their absolute control. I truly believed that Jacqueline would take action upon her words and wishes. If not absolute willpower and a mind undisturbed and uninterrupted by circumstances, what kept her going through all these years?

So she did become a specialised radiograph specialist in the department of radiology in private practice. I appreciated her efforts and determination. She succeeded in all walks of life, having a doctor husband and two kids by her thirties. She was the role model of SPCC. And she was recently elected to be the committee member of SPCC alumni association with her husband as the sole contact for our class.

But she thought of my amicable vibes as an act of kindness and benevolence, that I was a perfect girl sheltered from all harm and dangers in a secluded convent. If my life had been so perfect prior to SPCC, there must have been some dark history unknown to many waiting for her discoveries or else I would need to experience the cruelty of life as a taste of reality that was meant to be brutal and ill-willed. Thank you very much, delusionists.

I really did not like the fact that she unsolicitedly took hold of my most precious calculator and signed her autograph that read "mosquito monster" on its cover. She said it was homophonic to her Chinese name because her name 薛靜雯 could be pronouned as 蚊精 in reverse.

The fact that it was an unsolicited seizure of my possession definitely upsetted me a little bit. Other than that, it was a serious declaration that was detrimental to my health and wellbeing. I did not want to be pricked and I passed that age of infancy when I would reciprocate for revenge. To be honest, I had long passed that age of using needles to prank my rivals. We all went through that stage of calling whoever we did not like nicknames and accusing them with cooties. It was a childish act which we abandoned since the age of 7 after grade 2. But she thought that her intelligent moves were unprecedented.

Another thing that kind of irritated me was that that very calculator was of utmost importance in my memories of alma mater. It was signed multiple times by my seniors in school, including the house captain of St Patrick, Carol Chow, who was now a high ranked inspector after graduating from CUHK, and a star athlete from St Gabriel house, Grace Pak, as well as Him Zhai, who was a tomboy and my drama club senior in school.

Altogether, these star figures from my alma mater formed the foundation and spirit of our soul and fervent love for the school. But it was all ruined by Jacqueline's uninvited acts of childish vandalism.

Knowing that the medical field was a small pond, I would not want to be that big fish amongst it. Chances were I might be able to get into the school of medicine or dentistry at HKU to be stuck with the same group of overachievers and perfect scorers for the rest of my life, I then started to consider other career options or even study abroad as a researcher in order to avoid having any direct competition with my peers at SPCC.

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own life and soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for this? Matthew 16:26

I knew very well that my entry to the pre-med class with a close to perfect HKCEE certificate was just the beginning of a journey in the midst of roses, thistles and thorns. These people would die to get in the medical field and never intended to leave. As the buddhist saying suggested, if I was not the one going to hell, who else would? It was time for me to ponder a less travelled path, even though I knew in hindsight that the best way was always through.