Confessions of a Cat-holic (130)

Over the course of my one year relationship with Rex, I did not recall getting into a fight, or argument even, with him. He always listened to what I had to say and he rarely responded if he ever felt the need to disagree. He might have disliked some of my comments, if any, but he wouldn't show it to my face.

That didn't mean that we were both easy going people though. I believed he had a temper, as much as I did. I did swear a few times in front of Rex, because swearing had become a habit for me as a Wanchai native. I held it back ever since I went to the new school in Central but I felt safe enough to swear and be myself when I was with Rex.

I didn't swear in my new school as much as when I was in my alma mater for a few reasons. Aforementioned above, I transferred to a new environment where everyone was graceful and Christian-mannered so I could not quite be my vulgar self. That being said, I was also a lot more relaxed in my new school. Even though academically my new school was a lot more strenuous with an emphasis on maths and stem subjects, everything else was a lot more cushy. My new friends were nicer and friendlier; the competition was less intense; the vibes were less violent; the academic atmosphere was less aggressive; the school was a lot more serene and peaceful; the activities students engaged in were less demanding; there were less discords among the students, if any; I felt less stressed even though I worked harder on my school work in terms of the hours I put into studying. Everything just felt more at ease in the new school, for me particularly. So I did not feel the urge to swear at someone.

But then in 2008, I experienced a series of traumas which now I looked back on were happening for the good of me. I was laid off by my employer, Lehman Brothers. I still had my bonuses though and a lucrative severance package even though I was not working up to the terms of my one year employment contract. I experienced psychotic discomforts from the constant bullying of my co-worker, who was just a year more senior than me at the firm. I didn't want to get into the details here but all I could say that she was a bitchy slut because she yelled at me for no reasons and she even slept with my boss after I transferred to another firm to have him fire me, while also spreading rumors that I slept with Lehman's CEO to fire my immediate boss, Eric Tsang, who was the relative of New World Development. All in all, I experienced a lot of mental stress from her incessant and aggressive strategies in office politics and I could not get away from her daily tortures because she literally sat next to me during the entire 8 months of my employment at Lehman Brothers. I was not allowed to have bathroom breaks for more than 5 minutes and I had to report to her if I ever left my seat. I was told to have 4 sub screens opened on one of my 3 computer monitors on the trading floors and I would be yelled at unforgivingly if I ever missed a message on Bloomberg or an email that could possibly be a trade offer from my clients.

Unfortunately, I experienced some mental issues after being fired from my employer, especially after the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers and the collapse of the financial industry amidst the subprime crisis. When I was laid off in May, I thought to myself I had worked quite hard for the year and I really deserved a break before I sought my next job. I was not sure if I still wanted to continue working in a similar role in sales and trading anyways, reflecting on my traumatic experiences working in an investment bank. So I delayed my job search until I finished my official contract, which was around September 2008. I was still on Lehman's payroll until then, so I could still officially claim myself an employee of Lehman if I wanted to. So I thought to myself, why not give myself a bit of time and really figure out what I wanted to do next before rushing in another job I might hate or regret afterwards. I wanted to give myself a break away from the war zone in Central so I moved to Beijing for an extended working holiday to keep myself sane.