Confessions of a Cat-holic (20)

The grill did not end there.

He looked through each of the item on my report card and asked me a question which I had no answer.

My subject scores were all among top 3-5 in class and my conducts including manners, punctuality, etc, were also satisfactory. But in the almost perfect score card, I received a D for my "inter-personal relationship".

He asked me what happened, like I was some marginalized bad student expelled from an elitist college begging for admissions from band three school.

The immediate thoughts that came to my mind was, how the hell would I know? I was not the teacher who gave me that rating. That could be the biggest mystery of the universe. There were many things on earth I could not explain and comprehend, such as the legends of UFOs and pyramids allegedly built by extraterrestrial creatures. If I were given a grade as bad as a D, were there any chances I could turn that around? Just like my HKCEE results, I was given two Ds out of an almost straight As certificate. Out of the ten subjects and twenty sub grades, I received 8A(1)s but 2Cs, leaving me no chance for appeal. The subjects I thought I did best in were rated D coincidentally. That was my English speaking and Chinese writing. Could I possibly explain that? Could I possibly explain the subjects I was supposedly excellent in ended up a pathetic D? Obviously, I was given an unfair status in my strongest subjects. If a random stranger or admissions officer from a remote college saw my grades, he must have thought that I was a science-holic frankenstein who knew nothing but mathematics and physics. Truth was no, it was quite the opposite. But I had no way of defending myself. Because the report card had said the opposite.

I didn't want to appear argumentative in a formal interview so I told Mr Lee Chak Keung that I had no idea why I was rated a D for my "inter-personal relationship" conduct item. I tried to alleviate the situation by explaining that I was elected the class president by my friends and that popularity should not be a big issue for me.

He didn't give me any response and I could finally end this intense interrogation.

A few days later, I received some good news from SPCC. I was granted admissions to the school and I knew I had to farewell my friends very soon. I didn't tell anyone of my departure though. I wanted to stay low-key, given that it was my alma mater who had shaped me the way I had been and given me all the friendships and skillsets that I would need for life. I didn't want to say goodbye to them and I worried that I might cry and change my decision upon leaving.

Now that I thought about it, I kind of wanted to use Robert Frost's famous quote in saying that the best way out is always through. He was right. I was too coward and I admitted that I was not a brave person. I had many weaknesses. Not wanting to risk any hurt to fight was one of them. After some thirty years had passed, now that I looked back, I figured I had lost some and won some. But I lost more than I gained ever since I left my alma mater. But I still wouldn't regret it. Even if I had known what I knew now, I still could not turn down or resist the temptation to attend SPCC. The threats, the physical threats, had always been there and they would not change. I was not saying that SPCC was some dreamy fairyland and things were all perfect there. But at least at that time, it provided me with a safer outlet to evade all the chaos growing up.

That report card was almost like a script given by my alma mater. Even though I was among the ugliest in St Francis, students in the new school somehow had a very distorted understanding of me, despite the obvious truths. Because of that rating in interpersonal relationship, I was thought of as the head girl of my year with flare appearances and an unwillingness to succumb to authority. They thought that I was boycotted and bullied by my peers in St Francis; therefore I looked elsewhere for assylum and eventually landed at SPCC, a school who should do me justice and punish me for my materialism and superficial tendencies.

Thank you, SPCC. Thank you for all the delusions.