Confessions of a Cat-holic (234)

I always had a feeling that his brother didn't understand how Hong Kong worked. Did he mistake me as one of the Twins? I might look like them but personality wise there was nothing similar between the super stars and me. I was brought up in a very conservative environment. I was not a model or 奀星 either. Anyways, I didn't like his brother that much, even though I had to say he was very hot in my perspective. Also, I saw him in a night club in Lan Kwai Fong. I was very worried about him. Hot Korean guys like him, working in a bank too, could be easy preys for the local girls in Hong Kong. Anyways, he was just an acquaintance of mine. I couldn't care less about his safety in Hong Kong. It was none of my business.

I saw his brother in Central once when I was lining up in the supermarket to pay for my sushi lunch. And then the first thing that came up my mind was that I looked like shit. I was 50 pounds heavier than when I first met him in college. I didn't want to ruin his impressions of me so I didn't go up to say hi to him. I didn't have his number either. I should have talked to him and asked for his brother's contacts, but I was too shy to do so.

Yeah, so I worked in finance briefly after college. I majored in financial engineering too. So maybe I could sum up my feelings towards Eddie and Rex in financial terms. Eddie was like equity derivatives to me. I was not too familiar with him to start with but I was quite captivated by his charm. He was kind of secretive; there was so little that I knew about him. There were a lot of perks and upside when I spent time with him obviously; being with him felt like falling in love. I wanted to fall in love for once in my life too; I didn't have that feeling when I was with any other guys I met in Hong Kong. But the thing was that he was also very volatile. He was not very stable and mature. I was young when I met him. How old was I? 19 when I was introduced to him, 21 when we were in a relationship...So I was less risk averse than now. I was encouraged to date him by my parents and my friends. I was recommended by my peers to consider him. So I gave him a shot but I was heartbroken as a result. So it was very much like those trades that gave you some high yield returns to start with then made you lose a ton of money. Slowly, as I matured, I no longer looked for intensity in love. I had to say my feelings for Eddie were very intense; otherwise, I wouldn't give away my first night like that to a foreign guy. But this volatility thing also backlashed and ended up wounding me so much that it took me more than a decade to heal.

Symbolically, when I told him I was pregnant with his baby, a scar appeared on my forehead. It was an acne to begin with but it just grew bigger until I could no longer ignore. I had to go to a hospital in Hong Kong to remove it so many people thought that I went through a series of plastic surgery in Hong Kong. No, I just had to remove that acne on my forehead. I had a very big scar on my face as a result. The scar was still very visible, which could signify my breakup with Eddie. It was very hurtful and somewhat irreversible.

Rex, on the other hand, was like the plain vanilla inflation-linked bonds to me. Yes, plain vanilla treasury bonds. I liked that he was always so stable. He never said anything that hurt me. He was cushy, like a polar bear. His love for me was so consistent, like he would never default his love for me. He loved me with an unspoken promise that could last forever. I didn't experience a lot of ups and downs when I was with him and he was always so careful in his words and actions. I felt pampered by his love. I didn't experience any volatility with him; his love for me protected me against inflation, just enough to stand through the storms in life. But as time went by, when I saw the tides and lows, I figured Rex was the one who would always be there for me because his love was undying. It didn't grow intensely but it never left me when I was going through hell either. I really thought that he was a match with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8exeDKfZB6o