Confessions of a Cat-holic (49)

The fact that I always hang out with Clairol and that I seemed to actually have a life outside of school on top of managing academics had convinced my new friends that I must have been the head girl of St Francis, a school that must have been of a lesser tier and milder competition. I needed to clarify a few things here. First and foremost, I was not the best student in any school, in any groups or in any organizations. Championship didn't motivate me. I was not the head girl, not the pretty miss beauty pageant, not an athlete, not a piano master, and certainly not the princess whatsoever in St Francis. I was just a potter, hairy potter they said. I chose ceramics because I wanted to find some peace of mind amidst the never ending fight scenes in my alma mater. Ceramics was one of the least competitive leisure activities, demanding no ranking, no trophies, no prizes, no contests, just beauty and maybe delicacy and artistry in the eyes of an asthetic. It trained my concentration, my focus, and my undeviating persistence in times of chaos. My new friends in SPCC had no idea how lucky they had been to be born into a pacific island, safe from harm and unceasing fights in a glass house paradise out of an overall dystopian state of Hong Kong.

My friends and I were all good at different stuff, making our school a diverse environment. Maybe I was just not that unique or special, like everyone else, but with qualities that were not in direct conflicts with my peers. If you asked me what I was good at, I would say I was good at working with people. I knew how to co-operate with my friends and I had always been familiar with the ways an organization worked. My school and my community had taught me that I didn't have to be nice to everyone or liked by everyone; I didn't have to be perfect; I didn't have to know it all; I didn't have to be the best; I didn't have to cheat my way up; I didn't have to defeat everyone on the way to achieve success, because we all had an assigned role and function co-ordinated by the society or an organization and I was sure that I always had got my comrades behind my back. We looked out for each other and we always worked as a team.

I was not competitive in nature not because I was raised in a cocoon. But then, who could dare say they were not savages as natives of this island called Hong Kong? As a matter of fact, I grew up in Wanchai, one of the busiest district of Hong Kong. I knew very well the local academic system rewarded grades and grades only. The education board or the admissions committees of HKU, CUHK and HKUST wouldn't look at your extra-curriculars, your essays, your recommendation letters, your ethics and personalities. A point in the public exam alone could make or break your entry to your dream school and most desired professions. Hey, I knew very well that academic performance was still the key indicator to college admissions, and that was why I worked hard on my scores too.

I got into SPCC, and later LPCUWC and Columbia University on scholarship, because of my overall satisfactory performance in exams, not because I was pretty or hot or I looked like a model, and certainly not because I had some unspeakable secret talents. Was I even that attractive in your eyes? Life was fair. The world was fair. My new friends couldn't understand why I devoted so much time on basketball games, as much as I didn't understand why they spent all their lunch breaks and after school hours on choir practice and orchestra rehersals. For the time they were having fun singing or playing violin, I wanted to engage in meaningful activities that brought me satisfaction and alleviations from daily routines of studying too. We all had our preferences in life, not for better or worse, but simply different.

Chasing success could be a never ending journey for some but I always was clear about my worth and my status because I looked at the bigger picture. My new friends were too engaged in studying to be awakened by reality but I remained grounded and sentient.