Confessions of a Cat-holic (58)

No hard feelings. I had no hard feelings at all towards my peers at SPCC. To me, they were no different from the Jackson 5, humming and dancing to a song named ABC in Glendale Music High. Not at all I was a white supremacist. I was completely fine with being stuck in the same school with the Jackson 5. They were just a bunch of entertainers to me. There was something funny about their smell, their passion in music, their love for singing, their undeniable talents, their body odour, their looks, their hair, their lifestyles, their fashion sense, their culture, their habits, their appearances, their mentality, their way of looking at things, their way of brotherhood, their kinship, their unity, their solidarity, their synchronized way of speech, their stubborness, their fantasy, their blindness, their idiosyncrasy, their baseless arrogance, their unfounded confidence, their judgments, their angers, and their pasts. I didn't hate them, why would I? I was entertained. Afterall, I was just one of the silent majority.

But would I want to marry the Jackson 5? No, definitely not. Would I want to have any association with them? Er, better not. As a matter of fact, I would not want to see them again after high school. Would I call them my friends? I wouldn't mind to add a bit diversity among my friends from Catholic church. I would gently smile and maintain a conversation with them and quietly walk away, just to appear friendly and amicable. But Jackson 5 were still Jackson 5. I would not want to touch them or have any physical contact with the afros. No, it was not discrimination. I just figured I needed a bit of social distancing. I had enough friends to call the Jackson 5 my buddies.

Even though my new friends were a bunch of albinos, cripples, lepers, deformed dwarfs, leukemia patients and bald teenagers with rare diseases, they assured themselves that they were the clean network with rich people's flaws. Terminal cancers were nothing. Emerging infectious diseases were nothing. Leprosy was nothing, as Jesus might have had it too. It was a holy disease. Whatever conditions they had, they had it for a good cause. Medical conditions cleansed their souls. Intelligence and a perfect transcript could save them from all kinds of sufferings and pains. They would rather die gloriously with some unknown illnesses than live an uneventful life as a secular small potato.

It was all my fault. Prior to my arrival on SPCC, things were tranquil. It was me against the new norm. Amy, why did you disrupt the precious peace that was once on campus? My existence alone had proved all their ideologies wrong. Afterall, a cult could be as fragile as a bubble when they realized that lies being told ten million times did not become truth. Nevertheless, they insisted to hold on to their Christian faith. If not Jesus, what else was worth believing in? The world was only a place worth living if there were no fights, no bad people, no wicked witches, no criminals, no triads, no gangsters, no mafia, even if reality felt like hell. We should co-exist harmoniously like in church and backstab each other from behind like everyone else was an ignoramus.

The lilliputians in SPCC were having a good life living in the peach garden on a pacific island. They didn't know they were unusually tiny and small, until I came by. Things were perfectly fine and under control before the accidental visit of Gulliver. Their mental breakdown after discovering a life outside of the caged school was apprehensible. Maybe they didn't need a psychiatrist. They needed a reality check.

Before a giant became a giant, I was once a little man too. I was not born to be great. I was raised and molded by my surroundings and was trained hard to be the way I had been. I went through their stages of jealousy, hatred and envy against my peers, as early as in kindergarten. Things didn't miraculously get better and I had not grown to become an angel. Maybe I just got better as I got older. Maybe I just got smarter. I was just a typical product generated by my alma mater, whether you liked it or not.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64n-t9Sw7F0