Confessions of a Cat-holic (84)

First, it was Alan Chun Mei Lun.

Alan Chun Mei Lun was a legendary figure in our year. He could be one of the most handsome guys in our year. He was a pretty boy, with a sharp nose and pale skin. But he would not be the kind of guys I wanted to have any association with even though he said I looked like Elva Hsiao in high school. His grades were only okay. He was a student in class C. But grades, appearances, net worth, social backgrounds or vibes were not the reason why I was not attracted to him, even though he scored fairly high above the mean in our school.

Alan Chun went by the name Cappuccino and that was his ICQ nickname. Everybody knew of him because Alan Chun had a habit of jerking off at the back of the classroom during Miss Hung's class. Yes, he was masturbating to Miss Hung in front of everyone.

And he was not the only one. He had a cohort of guys who would jerk off in a pack to Miss Hung in school, during recesses, lunchbreaks and class. Miss Hung was our Mandarin teacher educated in Taiwan with a touch of Taiwanese accent. She was a tall, single and skinny girl in her twenties.

But nobody said anything about his erotic behaviors. SPCC was a liberal and accepting one, where everyone was loved and cared for in the name of God. I guessed that was another thing I picked up during my three years of study at SPCC. It would be that public masturbation was totally fine and that jerking off to your teacher was a norm in co-ed schools. I would say this Christian school located at the heart of Central district was one hell of an open institution. Public sex was nothing. Pornography addiction, public hand jobs, teacher-student dating, homosexuality, sex trades, overindulgence in sexual activities that led to early kidney depletion, casual sex were all okay, as long as you had good grades and acted like a saint in front of everyone. Nobody cared if you were a crook so long as you believed in Jesus. Christians lived forever with an indisputably holy aura and a sinless name that everybody would die to bow to. This was my Christian education. Public sex and cappuccino would be my key takeaway, thankful to this school.

Then it was Lo Chi Shun, also in class C. Class C was known to house many of the problematic students, since academically, it was the least competent. Allegedly, he carried a bag of human dung he collected in his apartment building to play with his friends in school. Yes, he played with crazy human dung. He had a thing for human feces and bowel secretions. He would carefully put them in a ziploc bag and pranked his friends with his "masterpiece". I heard that he even invented a way to counterfeit human dung with the help of corrugated fiberboard and other unknown ingredients of a secret recipe.

And there was Ox. His official name was Fred Cheng but everybody just called him Ox. I was his classmate in F3 and I would gladly call him my friend. Ox was fine and I liked him enough even though he was also another problematic student in our year. For a week in F5, all of our chalkboard brushes across all the classrooms in school mysteriously disappeared. It was known to the entire school that Ox actually joined a protest during lunch break at the American embassy down the road on Red Cotton Road where he threw all of our classroom utilities such as chalkboard brushes, chalk, markers over the walls of the embassy building to make a statement that Diaoyu Islands was a land under the control of People's Republic of China.

Fred actually quitted the school after F6 to further his studies in Hang Seng Management College. He was later matriculated at HKUST's School of Management and worked in an international design shop as a manager since. He was not the normal accountant you would expect to see in the student body. The motto of the school was that you should study hard to get in the hardest major and not take any risk to become a chartered professional even if you sucked at your profession. That was how the world was perceived to work anyways. I hoped that said something about the school culture.