Confessions of a Cat-holic (96)

But my husband was not the man I loved the most. No, not quite there yet. I loved Rex far more than my husband. I guessed what they said about women was right. Women loved their first one, whether it was their first kiss, their first night, their first boyfriend, their first born, their first day of snow, their first of everything. But men were different. Surely they loved their last one more, it could be their last woman in bed, their last sex, their last blowjob, their last visit to brothel, their last anal sex, their last hangover, their last trip to Ibiza, their last orgy, their last girlfriend, their last fuck buddy, their last wife, their last woman. They loved to recollect their last moments, nevermind their first.

Clearly, Rex was my first of many things. He was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first kiss, my first french kiss under a tree, my first skipped heartbeat, my first tender human touch, my first orgasm with clothes on, my first hand-holding, my first hug, my first man who walked me home from school, my first sushi buddy, my first date, my first dinner mate, and the list could go on forever.

This could be one fun fact about my first love. It was that the arrow of time was not just a physical concept, it was god damn real. I was in an official relationship with Rex for a little bit less than a year, but it felt like a second. It felt like a day. He still made my heart skip a beat when we saw each other again recently. If he did not remind me that we had gone out for a year, I would have thought that we were just together for 2 weeks.

Things did not just miraculously happen between Rex and me but we indeed had very good chemistry with each other. He never really talked to me about his life, his family, his background, his interests or hobbies, as much as I kept silent about my darkest self.

He asked me out on ICQ. It was rather short and abrupt. He asked me if he could be my boyfriend, on the day I had my braces off. I had been desperately waiting for the day I could finally talk and smile and even kiss with confidence. I was thrilled to receive his confessions, even though it was just a sentence of merely five words. Yes, it was "can you be my gf?", and the word gf was not even spelled out.

Within seconds that I received his message, I replied with a firm three-letter word. I said yes. Without a doubt, I would go out with him. It was not an easy decision though. Prior to our relationship, we actually never talked in person or on the phone, so I did not even know how his voice sounded like. Only after we convened in school for the first time after he asked me out that I heard him talk. His voice was deep and masculine, unlike many of the guys in my class. He actually sounded really like a man.

To be honest, I was just attracted to him in the beginning, especially when I first transferred to SPCC. I liked his vibes and his looks, his styles and his demeanors. But I actually knew very little of him, other than the fact that he was a repeater in class D and that he had many friends around him whereever he went. He was not the only one I would consider going out with, and I guessed he was the same too. It was known to the entire school that he had been sending luxury items to his "targets".

Starting from F4 when Rex repeated a year, I started to see Rex more often in school, because he was then sitting in the classroom very next to mine. I did secretly tell my friends that I kind of liked Rex. I told a few people, not everyone of course. I told Tracy, Vivian and Jessica only. I was too busy with school work to go out with someone anyways and I had my braces on. No, I would not let my braces ruin my first relationship and my first kiss, I said to myself.

The most I did in the pursuit of love was that I would only sing Miriam Yeung's classics whenever we had a karaoke outing. We usually had around 8-10 of us in the room, chances were each of us could only get to sing a few songs when it was our turn. It was my way of expressing an adolescence's yearning for attention and love.