my secret crush

So I am going to share a bit of information regarding whom I have liked for a long time.

As you may know, I am actually a super shy and introverted person.

The reason for this is becos I live in a very chaotic and competitive environment. I don't like to express my feelings, my likings, my love, my admiration. Because once it is exposed, it may very soon be taken away from me, due to heavy competition.

I have never shared this deepest secret of mine until like really recently. It is that I secretly admire my best friend's boyfriend. Fuck yea, it feels so right yet it feels so wrong, huh? Since this is a bit against my personal moral codes, I don't think I would date him. I personally cannot imagine my boyfriend having fucked a girl whom I lived with for four years. It is not that I treasure or value this friendship over love, even though I have to say she is my best friend and there are tons of bachelors out there. It is just something I cannot quite convince myself when it comes to dating your friend's ex. I really don't like the idea of sharing love.

Okay, so how should I start this?

His name is Tom. But I don't want to call him Tom. I would say, his name is Mingyu. Cos to me, he is Mingyu. He looks 90% like Mingyu. I like him a lot. Imagine Mingyu being your friend from orientation week, and Mingyu walking to class with you and hanging out with you, and going to Korea town with you on the weekends and singing karaoke and dancing to H.O.T. songs. Oh, by the way, I really don't think H.O.T. are hot at all. Tom, aka Mingyu is 1000000000 times hotter than H.O.T.! He should be the one on TV. That's how I discovered laymen Koreans are much better looking than actors and celebrities you see on TV, whatever 車仁表、鄭智薰 and 張東健！They look like shit and all of them combined cannot even match any guys I met at Columbia!

So Mingyu is my friend. He is by far the best looking guy I have ever met in my life. I recently checked his photo on facebook. He is still looking as hot as before, like a monkey! And he is not bald or anything, to my relief! A lot of guys started to lose their hair in their mid 20s you know.

When I first met Sammy and Mingyu, they were my first Korean friends. I told them I have a Korean uncle, aka my mother's brother is Korean. (well actually maybe Korean descent but cannot speak Korean anymore). I asked Mingyu, why he has a Chinese last name? I was very naive at the time. I knew close to nothing about Korea. I said Lee is a Chinese last name. Why does he, as a Korean, have a Chinese last name? And then he told me, Lee is a very common Korean last name. Then I learned something about Korea through hanging out with Sammy and Mingyu.

Sammy and Mingyu had a lot of Korean friends, cos they were part of this KSA thing. Me and Kelly were part of SOC (Sounds of China). I always tagged along their KSA activities, like auction dates, etc. Their chairman Peter Kang is now a very successful guy running a marketing agency called Barrel. Anyways, so Sammy always invited me to her Korean friends' gathering. We went to K town to drink and sing karaoke almost every weekend. Back then, the karaoke machines in K town were so archaic. We had to input number into the machines. They liked to sing along Lee Hyori and HOT songs a lot. I really didn't get it. Obviously, Mingyu is Mingyu, way better looking than HOT. Why the hell are they so crazy about HOT? Totally don't get it....

I really like Mingyu. He is from New Jersey, just a few minutes drive from New York city. I have to say, even though New York is expensive, college is competitive, weather is cold, I would say that my freshman year marked my most unforgettable time because I met some truly amazing people at Columbia. I would never trade anything for another degree elsewhere, not at Harvard, MIT or Cal Tech.

Mingyu is a Catholic. He shares the same religion as me. I am very pleased to find someone with like minds. How do I describe that amazement, when you see someone as good looking as Mingyu, also a medical doctor, has met all your fantasies you have ever dreamed of? I often feel disappointed in HK, because I am not attracted to any of the guys around me here. But I feel hopeful again, when I see that half way around the globe, all the way in Jersey and now in Hawaii, there sits a guy who just fits all the fantasies that I haver ever wished for.

Actually, in my freshman year, I was so busy with school work and hanging out with Sammy and Mingyu that I had no time to get to know Gordon Park at all. Let's put it this way, I didn't really pay attention to his existence, because he is not my co-year. I was hanging out with my freshman friends in my first year, most of the time. Even though Mingyu was already taken, and by my best friend too, I still feel lucky to be beside him and around him, looking at him from afar. To me, he is perfect.

The important thing is that Mingyu and I actually get to know each other very well, even though sadly, only because I was his gf's best friend. Mingyu is a very romantic guy. It was through him, that I first witnessed, and saw with my own eyes, felt, what true love looked like. He was nothing like the guys in HK. HK guys are calculating, manipulative and money oriented. Yet Mingyu is very down to earth and committed. And he is good looking, and he is a medical doctor. Jesus, this is a never ending fantasy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXkq2nXrDPM