Would attraction suffice?

A few days ago, when I was about to get up in the morning, a few words just popped up in my mind, like out of the blue.

Would attraction suffice?

The type of guys I am attracted to hasn't changed since the age of 3, at least for me. I still like the same type of guys.

My first ever crush was my fiance, Oliver.

He was a skater boy. He talks and walks like a black dude. Wealthy, good looking, not nerdy and much taller than me. Like an older brother.

We used to meet every week. His parents were good friends with mine.

Actually, I don't know how to describe that feeling. I knew I liked him, romantically. But I don't know what to do about it.

Maybe I was not expressive enough about my feelings. Maybe we weren't meant to be. Actually I don't even know what the reasons were. But soon enough, I found out that he slept with my rival in middle school.

He was like the perfect husband material for any girls. He is Canadian, went to CIS, parents were professors. He and I were like really good companions. We knew each other well. Even our parents knew each other well.

I was strategic enough to not tell anyone about him in my school. Still, I could not keep him for myself eventually. So I learned something from this failed relationship.

Trust is something that takes time to build. But once it is broken, it is very hard to fix.

And the same patterns happened to me after a few relationships. They all failed for the same reasons. Maybe to a point, I think maybe I should just stop this never ending bad karma of mine.

I don't hold grudges towards anyone. I never did. I used to feel a bit upset. But I don't blame him or anything. I was only in elementary school anyways. But just over time, I found it harder and harder to trust any men in general. Maybe the death of 戀愛腦...

I am not the type of girls who would do re-bound, or revenge dating. Or trying to seek attention to win back his heart. Or posting pictures online to make him want me back. Or plastic surgery. I don't do this kind of stuff. I never was this kind of girls. Even in elementary school. I think I am more mature than that. I think I just need some lone time to heal and really move on, instead of making myself look like a clown.

And I have to say time is the best treatment for romantic trauma. After a while, when I think that it doesn't bother me anymore, maybe I can publicly talk about it.

As much as you are a jealous guy, I am just as unforgiving as you are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaeIZQrnYpQ