還記得年少時期的我是經常回去北京的。 暑假、春假、聖誕假、復活節假，反正一有假期，我就會和媽媽一起去北京。 爸爸有時候出差，也會帶着我們一起住賓館。 當年的賓館還沒有什麼五星、四星之類的，我們就住在京廣中心。樓下有打遊戲的地方，我很喜歡在酒店打遊戲。 我很喜歡回去北京。當時的媽媽跟我說，我的鄉下就是北京。 我的祖籍就是哈爾濱。 我從小都沒有回去過我爸爸那邊的家鄉——廣東東莞。所以我很討厭廣東。我到了二十多歲才第一次去廣州。 每一次回北京，我媽媽都帶我坐港龍經濟艙。 港龍經濟艙很擠，而且經常有小孩在機艙哭鬧，我覺得很難受。但是飛機機程大約只有三個小時，所以還算過得去。如果沒有誤點，或者什麼事延誤的話，其實並不難熬。但是小時候的港龍，服務很差，經常誤點，在機艙一待就是四五個小時。 而且，當時還沒有赤蠟角機場，是在啟德降落的。 我不喜歡啟德機場。我不知道你們有沒有印象，但是我很討厭在很多舊樓之中降落的感覺，奇怪的是，不知道為什麼，每一次飛機在啟德降落，機上的人都會大聲鼓掌，然後大唱這首歌：Hong Kong，Kowloon Hong Kong。I lo

My favorite district in Beijing is Wudaokou. It is a college town next to Tsinghua and Beida. It is also a Korean town. I like checking out the coffee shops in that district because it reminds me of college. There are lots of things to do in Wudaokou. It has shops, malls, and a famous district for tech companies, 中關村. I really like the vibe of Wudaokou because it is very non-commercial. A bit of college, a bit of tech, a bit of education, a bit of academia, a bit of Korean, a

This is a philosophical question: can you ever know what you don't know? This is a blindspot for most Hong Kongers. We are confined to an island, yet we proudly think that we are the world. So in turn, we think we know everything, thanks to the reporting styles of Apple Daily. We think that we know what's going on in the world through the lens of Apple Daily. But unfortunately, we never know what we don't know. The problem lying underneath is that we have too much confidence.

They say that if you feel excited to wake up next to the person sleeping with you, that's true love. Um...I think my true love is my shiba inu. No, I actually did have the experience waking up next to a guy I loved. After all, I am 42. I have loved someone before. It was my college boyfriend. I loved waking up next to him watching the little things that he did. You know, just the usual things. Like watching him taking off his top, watching him drinking his protein shake, watc

I have had a few best friends in different stages of life. I have to say my favorite bestie has always been Kelly Wang, my roommate at Columbia. I think she is a key reason why I am emotionally so attached to my alma mater. Note that I am totally foreign in New York, but I think everything just felt so much more amazing with her company. Why do I like her so much? I guess it is our upbringing. She moved to the states when she was 10 or something so she had good knowledge in C

Did you notice that Hong Kong has no friends? Just a bunch of imaginary competitors and foes. We have no friends. Because we feel good to bully our neighboring countries, like Thailand, Vietnam, China, Taiwan. And we certainly want to do better than our competitors like Japan, Singapore and Korea. So in the end, what are you? Bermuda? An island where all foreigners will go mysteriously missing or dead when passing through? When a country or city has no friends, it becomes eas

Hong Kong people are known to be tunnel visioned. All we care about is money. How can I earn more than the guy next to me? How can I get richer than yesterday? How can I get higher returns from the stock market? How can my apartment be sold at a better price than my neighbors? It seems like Hong Kong people really have nothing better to think about. It is sad. Yet, this is our reality. How did we evolve into our current species? How did we become unshamefully proud of the fac

I can say that Apple Daily has ruined the mental health of our generations in the last three decades. For how many years, we were excited to read the news? Hong Kong people used to be obsessed with money. The moment they opened their eyes in bed, they thought about money. How could I make more money today? How could I be wealthier than yesterday? The sole purpose of life was to make money, like a money machine. Unfortunately, this was the sad reality of Hong Kong people for m

I know for a fact that many people think that I am arrogant, that I am condescending, that I have my nose up in the air. Maybe I was the alpha type of elites. But not anymore. Columbia has taught me how to be confident yet humble, accomplished yet grounded. Yes, I am unapologetically myself. How was I like before I went to Columbia? I was very religious, if anything. My favorite middle school teacher was Miss Yim who taught me religious studies and Miss H Wong who taught me h

I still remember the glory of joining Lehman Brothers as the only sales analyst in the entire fixed income department. I was sitting at the prime area of the trading desks facing the Victoria Harbour in IFC. I would eat Japanese sushi for dinner and fine dine in Soho if not the Elements for the weekends. Parties on boat trips a few times a month with other equally accomplished young elites from all over the world. What a luxurious life. I hear stories though. One of our co-ye

I am a big foodie. I like good food. When I was growing up in Hong Kong, I was brainwashed just like everyone else, thinking that Hong Kong is a shopping and food paradise. Tax free. No service charges. I was really into the notion that Hong Kong is an international hub: vibrant, dynamic, fair and safe for locals and foreigners. Then I went to New York. I was like, wait a minute. This can't be true. Either what I was told in Hong Kong textbooks was completely based on false c

This is probably the best kept secret among the Ivy League and other top colleges in the states. Yes, Columbia guys are the hottest on earth. You may think that an Ivy League guy is a stereotypical white dude with J Crew preppy sweaters and khaki pants, singing in an Accapella group, probably with glasses and sometimes with a book that reads a title we all don't understand. No, don't let those J Crew, Banana Republic ads deceive you. Columbia guys don't wear J Crew and Banana

A lot of people say that college, especially the Ivy League schools, is like a black box. It does amazing things to your brain and transforms you in a way that could not quite be comprehended. I recently subscribed to the New Yorker and the New York Magazine. To my surprise, it is a lot more fun to read than I would have expected. It covers stories like "Gina Grant, a killer who got into Harvard." and "Mary had schizophrenia, then suddenly, she didn't." It is interesting to s

（送給那些曾經就我的身體特徵傷害過我的人，包括岩士唐小姐，也包括那些狹隘的香港人。 送給那些說我很大隻，不像香港人，像日本相撲的前度們。 送給那些一口咬定我會一輩子單身，選擇單身是因為嫁不出去的人。 送給那些想 body shame 我的人。 送給那些說我是老鼠的人。可能你們才是老鼠吧，住在「25號星球」被「餓老鼠」實驗操控了也不知道。 送給那些以我的生肖和生辰八字說事兒的人。 送給那個送名牌冒牌包包給全年級女生的，漁翁撒網式追我的前度。 送給那些哇眾取寵、妖言惑眾的人。 送給曾經在慶祝雷曼兄弟倒閉的競爭者們。 送給那些散播謠言導致雷曼兄弟倒閉的銀行們，對，說你呢，匯豐銀行，高盛銀行。全行就只有你們在做這種傷天害理的事兒。 送給那些認為我不值得擁有哥倫比亞大學學歷而惡意中傷我並污衊我出貓的人。 送給那些詆毀我教會，詆毀我學校的人。 送給那些玩弄過我的男生。 送給那些打電話給我說他是黑社會，想以幾餐飯呃蝦屌，然後再睡我同學。然後再讓那個女生和我做朋友的渣男，你以為全世界就你一個男人嗎？是啊，指你呢，Rex and Serena，你以為你們兩個很聰明

（說實在的，我覺得很累。 應付岩士唐小姐，我覺得身心疲累。 我真的很煩她這種自以為是的行為和態度。 她總是在想證明些什麼。 她總是想在證明她是對的。 所以，我是錯的。 就因為她在她的世界裡，妓女如果脫毛的話，肉金叫價比較高，所以她一口咬定，女人都應該脫毛。 女人脫毛的話，會比較高級。 女人脫毛的話，叫價比較高。 女人脫毛的話，比較受歡迎。 拜託，那是在香港的妓寨裡的情況。 那麼她有沒有看一下妓寨外面的世界呢？ 她有沒有接觸過沒有脫毛的女人呢？ 她有沒有思考過為什麼外面的世界有人不脫毛呢？ 她有沒有思考過人家跟她不一樣的原因是什麼呢？ 她不思考，但是只是一味地評擊。以為這就是找到敵人的缺口，這就是找到敵人的弱點了。 拜託，世界上大部分女人下面都是有毛而且不脫的。 先不說日本人。 中東那邊的人沒有脫毛這種習慣。 印度、錫克教的信徒也是。 猶太人最保守的那些，把整個頭剷青，就剩下「的水」不剪。他們叫那個長的「的水」叫 payos。 邊落，音譯為佩猶絲（希伯來語：פֵּאָה; plural: פֵּאוֹת），在英語中拼為 pe'ot、peyot；或者

（這時候的岩士唐小姐又開始了狂笑。） 哈哈哈哈哈哈，哈哈哈哈哈哈，哈哈哈哈！ 真的，儂不覺得三島由紀夫小姐很老土嗎？ 儂不覺得三島由紀夫小姐很村婦嗎？ 阿拉不老土，儂才老土。 阿拉不村婦，儂才村婦。 阿拉不是大陸人，儂才是大陸人。 阿拉才是正宗香港人。 儂知道為什麼嗎？ 因為阿拉下體沒有毛。 儂看那個三島由紀夫小姐，一看就不是本地人。 北方人，毛髮茂盛。而且還不脫毛！挪威的森林嗎？ 這樣子，嫖客會彈鐘的！ 真的，阿拉的客戶都盛讚阿拉下面保養得宜，一根毛髮都沒有！ 不像那個三島由紀夫小姐，整天修眉。 她有精力和時間修眉，為什麼不修修下面的毛髮呢？ 她不知道香港的機場叫赤臘角嗎？ 赤臘角代表着一種香港精神。 一種脫下面脫到赤條條，用蜜蠟去蕪存菁的一種習慣，一種本土文化。 懂嗎？ 阿拉才是香港人。 三島由紀夫小姐是王菲。 來自北京的佳麗。 她才是那個大陸人。 因為她衛生習慣很差的。 也不保養自己的性器官。 怎麼能靠這個來賺錢啊？ 怎麼能夠嫁入豪門啊？ 怎麼能夠籠絡男人的心啊？ 連這個都不懂，還想跟阿拉鬥？ 這是妓女入門手冊的第一條規則！ 最基本的妓女床

（這時候，岩士唐小姐突然又發飆，應該是鳩摩智上身。 你們有看金庸的小說嗎？ 如果說，我來自的嘉諾撒聖方濟各是名門正派的峨眉派的話，而華仁就是我們的對家——武當。那麼，岩士唐小姐來自的 Mitori Leos 呢？ 沒錯，就是華山派，因為他們那邊新移民很多，華山真是名副其實！ 如果說，我的愛情故事類似於紀曉芙和楊逍那種愛情的話，那麼，岩士唐小姐應該就是鳩摩智。 鳩摩智是金庸武俠小說作品《天龍八部》中的反派人物，為金庸小說中武功最絕頂的高手之一。出身吐蕃大雪山大輪寺，為吐蕃國師，外號「大輪明王」，天資聰穎嗜武成癡。雖為滿口佛理的僧人，但實則陰險且行事不擇手段，也無寡慾與慈悲之心，貪戀強力武學至癡狂的程度。 鳩摩智的特點就是，他其實沒有正式學過武功，但是他的獨門祕技就是可以在短時間之內模仿別門的功夫，然後說成是自己的招式。也就是我們說的「現買現賣」，優點是可以集各人所長，缺點就是一點獨門的招式都沒有，只是蜻蜓點水式膚淺地學習各門各派的武功，容易走火入魔，因為欠缺深入的學藝精神。 書中提及鳩摩智博覽群武，但於故事裏實際施展的招式卻極少，以下兩招為鳩摩智最

（這時候的岩士唐小姐仰天長嘯，似乎又進入了另一個亢奮的狀態。） 阿拉跟儂說啦，這全部都是報應！ 三島由紀夫小姐的報應！ 這全部都是因果！ 是她作惡的果報！ 真是天助我也啊！ 儂知道為什麼雷曼兄弟倒閉嗎？ 而且沒有美國銀行出手相救？ 因為雷曼兄弟和三島由紀夫小姐都是孤立無援的！ 單人匹馬！ 眾夫莫敵！ 因為三島由紀夫小姐潛規則大老闆，所以雷曼兄弟聲名敗壞，她眾叛親離！ 這是市場的 perfect correction！ 因為這個世界是公平的！ 像她這種靠潛規則而獲得一切的壞女人，終究抵不過市場的糾正！ 雷曼兄弟倒閉是給予三島由紀夫小姐最好的報應！ 誰叫她潛規則！ 誰叫她睡籃球教練！ 誰叫她睡客戶！ 誰叫她睡大老闆！ 市場才不會允許這種齷齪的交易潛規則！ 所以，雷曼兄弟才會被野村證券所收購！ （還有 Barclays） 因為雷曼兄弟根本在美國不成氣候！ 儂看啦，雷曼兄弟在 league table 排名算最後的，好不好！ 真是傻人遇着蠢公司了，倒閉是必然的命運！ 三島由紀夫小姐的命運將會和雷曼一樣，暴斃猝死，英年早逝，阿拉有她的驗血報告和衛生巾作證！

（突然之間，岩士唐小姐又不知道想起了什麼，口氣一轉，在訴說她最近的啟發性新思想。） 欸，阿拉跟儂說一件事兒。 儂知道嗎？ 阿拉最近在研究聖經。 阿拉現在有宗教信仰了！ 阿拉現在是基督教徒。 阿拉信有神的。 阿拉信耶穌的。 阿拉也信瑪利亞。 阿拉相信，阿拉是被愛的。 耶穌愛阿拉。 上帝愛阿拉。 瑪利亞愛阿拉。 聖母愛阿拉。 任何人都愛阿拉！所有人都愛阿拉！ 這地球上，35 億男人，都是阿拉的！ 真的。 阿拉覺得自己很幸福！ 在經歷了這麼多的磨難以後，阿拉學會了愛自己。 阿拉學會了要依靠神。 阿拉相信阿拉可以依靠宗教的力量，戰勝一切逆境。 當阿拉被詐騙集團詐騙，當阿拉被賣去唐人街做雞，當阿拉被五十個同學輪姦，阿拉都不會覺得絕望。 因為阿拉有信仰的支撐。 阿拉相信，像阿拉這種大好人，最後一定可以活得比任何人都好！ 阿拉相信，坎坷過後有艇搭。 阿拉相信，在所有的虐待，所有的不公平對待，所有的欺凌以後，阿拉可以以長春藤畢業生的身份，做李嘉誠的情婦。 然後，再嫁入韓國三星那種的豪門。 因為阿拉是善良的。 阿拉相信，阿拉堅信，善良的人始終會好心好報。 善良就是

儂都是一夥的！ 儂和那個哥倫比亞大學都是一個鼻孔出氣的！ 儂都夾埋一齊蝦阿拉！ 就是因為阿拉沒有用 chanel 包包，是不是？ 為什麼阿拉在超級市場偷東西會被警察抓起來？ 阿拉以前在香港詐騙、冒簽、賣淫、偷錢、假文書、散播謠言，都一點事沒有！ 為什麼阿拉到了紐約會被人逮捕？ 儂說，是不是那個邪惡的三島由紀夫小姐在從中作梗？ 拜託，為什麼儂不抓三島由紀夫小姐，而跑去超市抓阿拉？ 儂不知道嗎？ 那個邪惡的三島由紀夫小姐壞事做盡欸！ 她做了很多十惡不赦的事情！ 比如說，假 ID，她和朋友跑去下城弄了個假 ID！ 這是犯罪欸！ 為什麼儂不踢她出校門？ 就是因為三島由紀夫小姐穿着 Giordano 的羽絨服嗎？ 就是因為三島由紀夫小姐用 Prada 的包包和鞋子嗎？ 為什麼？ 就是因為阿拉派場不夠亮麗！儂就欺負阿拉！ 還有，那個三島由紀夫小姐喝啤酒！ 在學校！ 為什麼儂不逮捕她？ 她不可以喝酒的！ 因為她還沒有到 21 歲！ 學校裡面都沒有人抓她？ 這樣說得過去嗎？ 說得過去嗎？ 而且，整所學校都在 underage drinking！ 為什麼哥倫比亞大